The end of 2016
This year is almost at an end and I for one will be glad to see the back of it.
Moving forward into the new year I am feeling really positive and have many plans for 2017..
- I’m going to enrol Moonpie into a few baby classes including baby ballet, I’m really excited about moonpie taking part in the baby ballet I think she will benefit so much from it.
- The time has come to kick the council into gear and sort out getting a place we can finally call home, me and the other half have decided to move in together to so our little family will be together under one roof at last.
- Driving lessons – I’ve been putting this off for years but now it’s time to bite the bullet and get the ball rolling. Life will be so much easier once I can drive about instead of relying on public transport.
- Managing my time better – I’m wasting so much free time in the evenings watching TV, when I could be working on my art and taking my blog more seriously.
- Going back to school – once Moonpie is in nursery I want to go back to work, but I don’t want to go back to working in a supermarket or end up stuck in a desk Job, it’s just not me. I don’t want a job I want a career doing what I love. I want to show my daughter that you should never just settle in life, so I will be applying to start my masters in illustration.
This year has been full of alot of heartache and stress for my family but it has had its good moments.
Bring on 2017 … it’s going to be our year
Ive talked about moonpies tantrums before but the aggression she is showing lately is just another level…
She’s extremely frustrated with wanting to walk but not being quite ready yet along with teething quite badly at the moment, but it’s no fun for me ether to keep getting whacked in the face and bitten.
She knows it’s not ok you can tell by the face she pulls afterwards, her bottom lip wobbles as if you’ve smacked her. But if I tell her off, I get shouted at and then whacked again. I’m at a loss with what to do with her..
She’s too young for time out, firmly telling her no and then ignoring her is very hit and miss and I do not believe in smacking .. a tap on the hand is probably the most I could do, each to there own but I don’t think using negative behaviour to correct negative behaviour works, your just sending mixed messages.
Maybe once she’s up and moving she won’t be as frustrated and I’ll get my sweet moonpie back full time, but I think I’m slightly kidding myself… terrible twos ?? more like Awful ones.
Children are naturally messy creatures, you have them looking absolutely pristine and gorgeous at the start of the day, only to have them looking like they’ve been dragged through a bush backwards not even 10 minutes later…
When moonpie was first born I was one of those new mums who’s baby had to look well kept at all times, which is quite easy when they don’t move around unless of course you have the misfortune of an explosive nappy incident… But now shes crawling, feeding herself and just getting into everything I have officially given up, I just do not see the point anymore.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t let her go around absolutely filthy, It’s just pointless to change her clothes four times a day because she’s spills a little juice down her top or shes got a bit of sauce on her trousers …. why on earth make more washing for yourself by keep changing your child when they are just going to keep getting messy.
it’s only going to get worse as she gets older so I going to embrace the messyness (within reason) instead of fightinformation the losing battle.
So what’s everyone elses view? let them be messy or keep them as pristine as possible ?
It’s a question I hear alot lately “so when are you having the next one ? ” and my answer (and the other half’s) is always the same “one is more than enough” but recently I’ve been questioning my answer…
as corny as it sounds, for me Moonpie coming along was a little miracle after being told I couldn’t have children without fertility treatment and miracles don’t strike twice for my family. So even if down the line we decided to try for another baby, there’s a big possibility that it just won’t happen and I don’t know if I could go through all the hospital appointments again to be told the same thing or go through the treatments and have them not work.
Another reason why I feel so strongly about having anymore children is that just the thought of going through pregnancy, labour and the new born stage again makes me feel physically ill, I had such an awful time with all of that the first time I’m just not sure I could do it all again and get through it.
Having a baby puts alot of stress on a relationship and we have enough stress in our lives right now, plus babies aren’t cheap and we struggle enough now it would be extremely irresponsible of us to bring another life into the world when we can’t support it.
The plan has always been to get back into work once Moonpie is in nursery but if we did have another baby that plan would be pushed back to when they started nursery, I would be in my 30’s by then, most people are establishing careers in their 30’s not just getting back into the world of work, that does scare me a little.
But even with all those reasons I do wonder if I’m being selfish, I grew up with siblings and although most of the time we were fighting they are like your first friends.I worry that moonpie will grow up a little lonely, yes she has her cousins and I know that they will grow up close but it’s not the same as having a brother or sister to play with at home. But again is it really a good enough reason to have another child …. I just don’t think it is.
I don’t know, maybe at some point me and the other half will want another baby (I really doubt it) but right now our little Moonpie really is more than enough.
I could literally thump the other half sometimes with the stuff he says …
this evening I was putting a bag together of baby clothes for his sister who is expecting a little girl in may, as we were talking the subject went on to keeping certain outfits for Moonpies baby box and he just outright laughed at me and called the box sentimental crap and then compared me to the mother on the TV show The Goldbergs, who keeps her child’s baby blankets and sniffs them in a cupboard.
It really upset me, not being compared to beverly goldberg (she’s brilliant and there’s no way in hell you would find me a cupboard sniffing blankets) but how he made me feel so stupid for keeping a baby box for luna when she’s older, it was something my mum did for all of us for when we were older and if we had children of are own.
It contained the outfit we came home in, our first blanket and few other bits and pieces. I personally love this idea/tradition it’s like a little bit of family history carried on, so yes I have started one for her and no its not filled with every outfit she’s worn or crap. would love to hear others opinions on the subject.
I’m writing this letter because it’s your birthday on Sunday and there’s so much that’s happened and so much I need to say and even though you will never read it, it is something I need to do…
You weren’t perfect, far from it in fact but you were the only consistent thing in my life for so many years, you brought us up by yourself and I never fully understood how hard that must of been until luna came along but I get it now mum and I’m so sorry for all the grief and trouble I caused you throughout the years. I wish I had opened up more and spoke to you about everything I was going through instead of just acting out.
Luna is beautiful mum, she looks so much like you but I think she definitely has my attitude, I mean she’s only just turned one and she is already giving me cheek.she loves music, I play her everything that we listen to and she even dances a bit, well it’s more of a wiggle to be honest. she’s so chatty too but she is my daughter after all, I know you would absolutely love her now just as much as you did when she was first born.
I still go to ring or text you every now and again because it doesn’t feel real most of the time but this week it has, it feels like someone has suckerpunched me in the gut and I’m trying to catch my breath. I keep looking at our matching tattoo and remembering what you said to me when we got them done “We’ll get the same tattoo in the same place, so no matter how far apart we are we can look down and know we are thinking of each other” but even that doesn’t really help anymore.
Even though life is so hard right now, I know I can get through it because you taught me that no matter how many times you get knocked down you get back up fighting twice as hard as you did the last time.
I love you mum, always and forever