It’s strange to think this time last year I was sofa surfing with a two month old , we had been evicted from our home but to be honest even before the eviction went through we had had to crush at friends and families house for a few days at a time due to my rather nasty landlord who had been letting himself into the property and harassing me since I was around 5 months pregnant.
It was a scary time, a single mum with a new born baby, no home and no idea where the council was going to place us, at worst we could be placed in a room in shared accommodation and at best we could be placed in a flat. But I wouldn’t know where until the day.I was told to turn up at the council on the 19th January and wait until I was called over and told where we were going.
The night before I didn’t sleep, and the morning was just awful … we were running late due to moonpie deciding to go through her clothes 10 minutes before we had to get the bus. The front wheel of the pram fell off and I didn’t realise till I stopped to cross the road but I didn’t have time to retrace my steps.
We finally got there and by then I was certain we were going to end up in the worst case scenario, we waited for 10 minutes then we’re called into an interview room. “I have to say you are very lucky, we’ve found you a one bedroom flat.” And with that I sobbed and even more so when I was walking back and bumped into two lovely people who found my front wheel.
This time last year
So here we are exactly a year later snuggled up in my bed watching tiny pop in our home.
In the last couple of weeks moonpie has has had a massive leap in all areas, she definitely isn’t a baby anymore. ..
Moonpie is much braver when it comes to standing and taking steps on her own, she’s quite sneaky and normally takes a few steps when she thinks no one is looking. It definitely won’t be much longer until she’s off and walking everywhere.
She has developed a sweet but very cheeky personality, Im ether showered with kisses and cuddles or having a dummy put in my mouth If I’m telling her no. She’s extremely strong willed and very stubborn (she was never going to be a push over with parents like myself anf the other half.)
Moonpie has now learnt how certain toys work and how to properly interact with them. She developed favourites, her activity table, a few vtech teddies and her elephant ball maze.
The way she interacts with people and other children (especially younger than her) has come on leaps and bounds, she’s becoming quite the social butterfly.
Her speech is coming along she’s learning what a good few words mean and her vocabulary is slowly growing. She is extremely vocal so I think with in the coming months her speech will really take off.
Overall i’m very proud of how she is coming along.
Yesterday I got that rare experience of a child free day, the other half had the day off and was happy enough to watch moonpie while I went out. As much as I love our trips out together, it was really nice and relaxing to switch out of mummy mode and just be Meg for a few hours.
To be able to sit in starbucks and actually enjoy my frappuccino and shortbread in peace, have a good wander around the shops and sit down and have a good catch up with a few friends was a lovely change. I even had time to get a bit of pampering done, something that never happens if moonpie is with me as she gets bored quickly.
I was getting updates and pictures from the other half that they were having a great time and she was fine, which made me feel less guilty for going out on my own.
First of many updates photos
When i came home, it was all smiles and back into mummy mode for me with Moonpie’s dinner, pj’s on, nappy changes, half hour of us all watching the hobbit and then bottle and bed time for our little monster.
We also got the rare treat of just us (me and the other half ) time, he cooked dinner for us, we watched junk tv, chatted and just enjoyed eachothers company for once …. overall a good day for us all.
Long gone are the days when I could pop moonpie in her swing or on the playmat and get on with the chores while she was happily entertained for a while, Now its a whole different ballgame.
From 8am to 7pm, it’s one big playtime and I have to say I really love it because she is now interested in playing with toys properly. she is quite content to play by herself and happy when mummy joins in with the bricks, music and Storytime too.
This does mean that at times (much to the annoyance of the other half ) that the upkeep of the flat has slipped every now and again.
“When can’t you tidy as you go along it’s nor that hard” and “this flat is so small how can it get so messy” I love him but god I could kill him when he starts about the house and I would like to so swap places for a week and see him handle it all.
I’m not spending time cleaning when It can be spent with luna … why should she sit bored In her cot for an hour because mummy needs to clean the kitchen? No its not fair on her.
so instead of having some me time while moonpie naps, I’m doing chores and trying to keep on top of it … even the half an hour before bedtime I’m multi tasking trying to get my one year old ready for bed and entertained while at the same time hoovering and tidying up her room ready for her to destroy all over again the next day, and even once she’s in bed I’m staight in the kitchen and our bedroom cleaning and tidying and this is everyday now.
Where is the me time! When did my life become this endless cycle.
I feel like it’s punishment for me being such a messy child, teenager and young adult and I know my mum is probably cracking up up there and saying “payback it’s a b***h isn’t it meggie.”
It’s knackering, but if it means a tidy home, an entertained toddler and a happy boyfriend who’s not nagging then I will just keep doing it.
“You’re not quite mother material” or “you don’t have that maternal instinct” was something I was told a few times before I fell pregnant with moonpie by people and my own mum, and at the time they were probably right ..
Even when I was pregnant there was alot of talk about how I wouldn’t cope and it was the wrong choice to have her from people who i thought were supportive and from people who didnt even really know me and that hurt alot. I felt like people were writing me off as a bad mum before I had been even given a chance to be one, all because of the bad year I had before, I had separated from my husband who I had been with since I was 19 and even though it was my decision it was still extremely tough transition for me, my mental health was not great at the time so yes I went off the rails abit, but people would rather gossip and slate you than actually try and help.
Throughout my pregnancy I felt very alone and judged because no one was interested in the changes I was making, just the past.
In the first few weeks of having moonpie, I was still being judged by people. I was struggling with bonding her, being very unwell and having post natal depression. I felt like maybe it was true, I wasn’t mum material and I was doing a terrible job because I wasn’t a natural.
Thank god for those few close friends and family members during that time because I don’t know where we would be right now, so no maybe I’m not a natural at being a mum in people’s eyes, but a year on and my daughter is thriving, so loved, happy and healthy. … what more could you want for a child.
Being a mum is a thankless tiring job anyway, but when your little one hasn’t been sleeping at all, everything is just 100x more stressful….
I was worn out and feeling extremely emotional (this time of is so tough for a number of reasons) I felt like I was being so short with everyone including my other half and it wasn’t fair.
I just had no idea what to do with her. I tried everything juice, milk, comforting her, bringing her into my bed, sleeping on the floor in her room and nothing worked.
On the worst night she was getting up every half hour and not just crying but screaming at the top of her lungs. my poor neighbours have probably had a little sleep as we had and it wasn’t even just the Night-Time that she wasn’t sleeping the daytime naps so became non-existent.
I was literally at breaking point and with the other half staying at his the whole week due to working and needing his sleep, I felt so alone and emotional.
I just didn’t understand what I was doing wrong she has always been brilliant when it comes to bed time ill or teething but neither of these were the case.
Just when I was out of ideas the answer soon revealed itself. The bottom of my daughter’s travel cot ( we live in temporary accommodation and all our furniture is in storage and not accessible until we move into our permanent home so we have had to make do) was damaged meaning that the slats moving freely making it extremely uncomfortable to sleep on I felt so guilty for not realising sooner, thankfully I was recently given an actual cot with a proper mattress.
Since moonpie’s has been in her new bed, (two nights now) i can happily report that she’s only woken up once during the night and we are both finally getting a decent night’s sleep we deserve.
The end of 2016
This year is almost at an end and I for one will be glad to see the back of it.
Moving forward into the new year I am feeling really positive and have many plans for 2017..
- I’m going to enrol Moonpie into a few baby classes including baby ballet, I’m really excited about moonpie taking part in the baby ballet I think she will benefit so much from it.
- The time has come to kick the council into gear and sort out getting a place we can finally call home, me and the other half have decided to move in together to so our little family will be together under one roof at last.
- Driving lessons – I’ve been putting this off for years but now it’s time to bite the bullet and get the ball rolling. Life will be so much easier once I can drive about instead of relying on public transport.
- Managing my time better – I’m wasting so much free time in the evenings watching TV, when I could be working on my art and taking my blog more seriously.
- Going back to school – once Moonpie is in nursery I want to go back to work, but I don’t want to go back to working in a supermarket or end up stuck in a desk Job, it’s just not me. I don’t want a job I want a career doing what I love. I want to show my daughter that you should never just settle in life, so I will be applying to start my masters in illustration.
This year has been full of alot of heartache and stress for my family but it has had its good moments.
Bring on 2017 … it’s going to be our year